May 23 2008
Japanese Fusion: Just Say NO.
Japanese
Fusion restaurants in NYC are the ultimate douche bag trap: You pay a lot of money and you get jack shit, but good you look kinda cool now. This afternoon I was taken to Koi Restaurant at the Bryant Park hotel. You know for an expensive place you’d think they’d SEAT you when you get there. But no. We get there, 2 of our members on the reservation hadn’t arrived so they made us stand and wait. This wouldn’t have been bad except for the fact that a bunch of douche bags & construction workers flooded the lobby to get their afternoon booze. Also despite what the image on the website looks like, it’s a lot smaller than you think.
Thankfully I was treated to lunch but even still I felt bad ordering a lot because it was so expensive. The other problem is I hate fusion. They’ll take a perfectly great Japanese dish, add a bunch of random shit to it to make it look pretty. Yes it looks very pretty, but pretty isn’t always edible. To be practical I went with the ripoff $5 miso soup (which normally should cost no more than $2) and Kobe Beef “Potstickers” (also known as Gyoza). This “dish” cost $23 so I expected to get at least 6: I got 4. 4 tiny ass pot stickers about 1.5 inches in length and some ponzu sauce. Wtf?
I ate those things in like 5 minutes if not less. They asked me if I wanted to order something else but I already felt bad so I just said no. We all had to order dessert because everyone’s portions in general were freaking tiny! The dessert was actually pretty decent, I got sorbet ice cream - but the whole point is that you have a decent MEAL not stuff your face full of cake or ice cream. Or wait, maybe in rich New York douchebag land you have to eat small portions to “maintain your figure” because only poor people eat large portions at McDonalds amirite?
This
reminds me of this Hawaiian fusion placeI went to for a friend’s birthday last fall. I kept looking at the menu going “wtf am I supposed to order?” I ended up settling on some sort of sushi and salad, both of which were just as good as $4 sushi at cafe zaiya. Moral of the story? Skip the fusion garbage and go to a local Japanese cafe. Better yet pick up a Chopsticks NY issue and check out their sections on restaurants - which they split by cost. Some places are total shit, but there are other great ones which have a decent price and you really get great food for the amount you pay for.
Otherwise if the douchebag in you feels the need to come out, be ready to pay more and eat less. 
Tags: ittadakimasu!, weeabooing in new york
25 Responses to “Japanese Fusion: Just Say NO.”
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Nothing says douchebag more than a $175 GOLD-COVERED hamburger.
OMFG, miso soup is usually free like bread or water =’(…
I generally also share your hatred of fusion, like getting a bowl of beef and noodles for $30+
My god… those are ridiculous prices… then again, I am a cheap skate and would never enter such an establishment….
LOLOLOLOL. I never did understand going to terribly expensive places to eat when I can go to my local sports bar and get a buncha ribs for cheap…. and to think my friends and I were complaining when the sushi chef at a place we always eat at made the miso $1…
Haha I’ve never seen Miso Soup free unless you order a set and it comes with it. Otherwise the NORMAL price is less than $2. Anything over that you know you’re getting ripped off
Fusion is crap, although I’ll point out that many restaurants these days are switching to the ‘not sitting people until whole party is there’ thing - not that that makes it any less frickin obnoxious.
I like fused? cuisines but not fusion foods. Those restaurants have struck me as something for rich people’s shy gastrointestinal tracts to venture into and say, “Hey, look how daring I can be! I am eating foreign food that’s not based off French cooking!” Big round of applause, pat them on the back, give them a cookie (from France).
And the irony there, of course, is that fusion food is really French-ified Asian food.
I’ve had some fusion food, but I think the only memorable thing I had was this toasted onigiri filled with salmon eggs and topped with tobiko. Thank goodness it wasn’t expensive… (relative to your experience)
Although unsurprisingly I found out the mainstream sushi I took for granted is also a sort of fusion food . Like California rolls (i should’ve known from the name), they’re in every single japanese super market and restaurant I’ve been to. Then again I DO live in California and I do like California rolls.
Although I still think cream cheese in sushi is just weird. Sorry Philadelphia rolls.
It’s ironic the more expensive the food, the less you get of it.
Yea I’m not a fan of philadelphia rolls either lol. I like california rolls cause I can actually make them!
Ripoff! *bangs pots and pans* But seriously, 4?! You might as well buy a bag and make them yourself.
I have several Japanese/Peruvian/Euro fusion restaurants, their prices could be lower, but they do have some decent sized plates. I get seated pretty quickly.
That’s interesting. Maybe I just went to a shitty restaurant lol. The Hawaiian place we were seated right away actually but the fact the price is a ripoff hasn’t changed in either place ^^;
Well, Americans do have extremely large portion sizes compared to the rest of the world, but I think anybody can agree that 23$ for 4 potstickers is ridiculous.
I guess they figured that by using Kobe Beef (was it real kobe beef?) they could get away with it. FEH.
was it real? Beats me, I couldn’t tell the difference!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v105/Hinano/Journal/fusionres03.jpg
What a small and unappetizing meal
well.. restaurant are like this… they take everything outside that normally sells at a certain price.. give it a nice little look and juz double the price… for some stupid reason
which is why i never eat at big shiny places like this… 
Nagato> Yea it had some sort of spicy peas or something in it (Capers?) and I had to pick them out to make sure I didn’t eat them. It was from that Hawaiian place, ugh it was sooo nasty lol. ALso this place is located very close to the World Trade Center site.
padfoot> You hit the nail on the head. It LOOKS good tastes the same and costs twice as much!
$23 for 4 gyouza?! Wow, that is pretty ridiculous, even if it was “real” Kobe beef
I was once told that you’re buying the experience more so than the food at upper-class restaurants. Basically that’s the best profit margin for them.
If it doesn’t have Spam, it’s not Hawaiian.
I agree with what Sabrina-Fair said. you purchase for the experience and brand.. not for the taste. That’s like going to Kinokudyia and buying their desert there, they charge an arm an leg, but man is the desert pretty.
I pass by this place frequently whenever I go to Cafe Zaiya or Mid-Manhattan Library. It is across the street from Bryant Park after all.
haha whoa whoa comparing this place to cafe zaiya is like comparing Coca Cola to Wine. I don’t know about the cafe zaiya that’s in Kinokuniya, but assuming it has the same prices as the one on 41st street near Book Off (which is the one I go to), their prices aren’t NEARLY as bad and their food is actually GOOD. Their strawberry shortcake is absolutely delicious and I’ve yet to find one somewhere else equally as good.
On the other hand, Koi’s food was unimpressive and overpriced.
Ahhhh, it’s the same way in Las Vegas! T_T You have these ads for dumb-looking Japanese fusion eateries everywhere, and all the ads have only one thing in common: scantily-clad Asian waitresses. Doesn’t even mention the food, or the drink (Sake’s kinda trendy these days; why not bring THAT up?) etc etc etc. One place I thought about going to looked really unfriendly, so I ended up not going at all. I hate Sin City now xD;;;
And $23 for four tiny potstickers? That’s worse than the snobby Italian restaurant my parents dragged me to in the Bellagio ToT
Speaking of fusion restaurants, there’s this French/Italian/Singaporean/Japanese/Indonesian/Thai/blahblah place that’s in my area, in the weirdest location ever, with the weirdest decor ever.
Personally, I like occasionally just looking at reviews of the place: http://www.dinehere.ca/restaurant.asp?r=525
I’ve eaten there a few times, and my experiences were generally good.
But the inconsistency of the place is rather obvious from the reviews, and I love the one on the bottom about a dinner in that high-scaleish-looking place projecting subtitled, soundless anime on a blank wall. xD